I admire you for opening up about these conflicting feelings. The world so easily makes us feel like failures as parents, even when we've tried our best. I sooo appreciated it when we had a specific challenge with one of ours and an admired leader invited us to talk... he had lived a similar experience and basically made it clear: It's not your fault, whatever others may say. Don't feel guilty! I'm sorry those who were expected to help weren't as helpful, but still feel there's someone out there who can give a more helpful direction. Still, he's an adult and you need to go on with your life! Wishing you the best.